Beautiful Day

As I sit in row 4 aboard flight 26 from Miami en route to Los Angeles listening to Anita Baker’s, “No One In The World”, I listen to each word as they flow eloquently off her lips. “Every time that I’m with someone…, I wanna run back to your arms again… Please take Me back… Nobody loves me like You Do…” ring out and hit a chord in me.

 

My trip back home to New York was fantastic, I took 16 of my cousins to the Mets game, saw the Yankees, saw a bunch of friends, met a girl and went to Little Italy in the ten days that I spent there. However, it was my enlightening experience in Miami that lead me to believe several things about myself and even more about others.

 

The phrase, ‘allow my self to introduce Myself ‘, are not as corny as they might sound.

 

Have you ever asked yourself “Who am I?” Have others ever told you – Who they think You are? Are You a friend? A foe? A lover, or a fighter?

 

I sit aboard this jumbo jet and I start to think about the people in my life. This has been a very tough year – mentally and emotionally. The money thing comes and goes but people – they can make or break you.

 

Have you ever sat down and pulled out a pen and pad and said to yourself, Who are my friends? Can I depend on them when times are rough; or are they just fairweather friends that you hear about in songs.

 

Every year I go through the same ritual. I take out my pad, or most recently, my cell phone and laptop and delete the people that have taken up my time, depleted my bank account and broken my heart. I erase the names from my screen so I can pretend not to think of them. Even though I try I can’t let go, I see the people in my dreams. Whether asleep or awake. But not anymore. I am tired of trying to work things out with people that don’t deserve my friendship, I am tired of talking to people that waste my time. I am tired of caring for people that don’t give a damn about me. I am tired of loving people that don’t deserve my effort. I am tired all the time.

 

I have spent the past few months connecting with my spiritual side, sort of. I have noticed an attachment to G-d that I feel really good about. I can no longer look at my friends and business associates as people who have let me down. I can no longer look at relationships that have failed, and complain to my friends and family that these women are all fucked up. I have no one to blame but myself. Trusting others to better my life – Forget it. Trust no one. Forget that too. Thats no way to live either.

 

I just spent 5 days with a woman I barely knew in a place I have never been. IslaMarada, Key Largo Florida The Moornings estate has to be one of the most romantic places on earth. There are hammocks that swing over the ocean, Palm trees that bend into the water(think Bruce Webber or Tommy Hilfiger ads.) My cottage called the TreeHouse was a private escape surrounded by palms and coconut trees with Mango and Papaya growing wildly all over. The resort was

a coconut plantation until recently and has housed the President and numerous celebrities, Mellencamp, Madonna, Brando, Pacino and Deniro to name a few. The sunsets were spectacular, the sunrises even more incredible. The most incredible thing about retreats is of course the people. Nobody on the island gave a shit about Prada and Gucci, cared about Rolexes and Cartier. Nobody cared if you Iced Out (Diamonds) your watch or drove a Bentley. What they did care about was each other. You see – I was there for a wedding. My Friend Jme and Ana Paula, are both Supermodels. Both Rich. Both Famous if you know the modeling business. Both- my friend.

 

As I look at the people who gathered to celebrate their wedding I cannot believe my eyes. This is not your typical event. Usually at weddings you see a lot of your parents friends. A lot of family you never met looking for a free meal and the wedding party looking for a score. Not here. Not my friends. First off, EVERY ONE there was gorgeous! Models after models came from all over the world to see my friend walk down the aisle. From London to Brazil I made new friends and learned more about what’s important than maybe ever before. My friend Jme, made the aisle in which he and his wife would walk with his bare hands. Out of bamboo, lined with roses and sunflowers, the eighty foot path to the ocean was spectacular. Each table had a fishbowl filled with water and sea shells they had both picked from the beach, with a sunflower inside. There were no tuxedos at this wedding. Ana wore an amazing white chiffon gown that flowed off her body so amazing I cannot describe it in words. Jme looked so handsome. There was no makeup artist, no craziness, They didn’t care about the nonsense. They cared about each other and the people with them. Thats it.

 

It was at that moment when I saw them walk down the path that I began to think about what really matters. Its not about what you have or where you live. Its about who you are and what your about. I look at the helplessness I feel sometimes because I cannot help my best friend as he fights a battle with Cancer, or my cousin as she faces the same fate. I get so angry that my business seems to never run as smooth as I’d hoped. Just as I think of all these tragedies I start to daydream, of my nephew and hearing his voice, or my brothers yelling at me for wearing their clothes or taking their cologne, or my dogs running through my house mud on their paws, jumping on my bed to kiss my face and at that moment I realize – This is my Life…

 

I cant say that I pray every day or go to temple on the regular, but I do thank G-d every day for allowing me to experience my nephew Jamie, my brothers Brian, Darren and Jonnie, my mom and dad, my cousins and all of my close friends. I thank him for giving me my dogs: Tango, Maddie and Shayna, Coco, Tribbbie and of course Butkus for they have brought me so much joy in my life. I am glad that I have loved, that I felt love and shared love with others. I have experienced a lot in my 35 years. One song constantly comes to mind when I think of my life: Bill Withers’, “Lovely Day” the words, “Then I look a You, and the worlds alright with me. Just One look at you – and I know its gonna be… A lovely day”

 

I hope I get married one day, have a family of my own, kiss my Wife as JME kissed his, tell her “You are the Sun, you are the Rain, that makes my life a foolish game… You need to know I love You so. And I’d do it all again and again.”

 .

 

 

Life Imitates Art

Have you ever heard the term life imitates art, or is it Art imitates life, whatever the case may be this weekend proved to be the former. As stated in previous realizations, I have decided to take a closer look at what really means what, and  more importantly, what matters to me. I went to the movies on Friday with a friend of mine and throughout the movie I watched my friend laugh hysterically at scenes that I really didn’t think were comical. As I probed deeper into the situation, I asked what the heck are you laughing at? “Look at his face”, referring to young William, also known as the Enemy. My friend was laughing at the stars face – the whole movie. As I watched, I started laughing at his face and found myself noticing his mannerisms and his actions much more intently than before. I couldn’t figure it out until the last scene of the movie, when young William interviews the star of the band Russell, in his room, on his own turf, surrounded by pics of his favorite people. The band.

 

The next day I went to a soccer game, it was about 80 degrees and there was pure adrenaline flying around the field. The players were kicking ass, all the fans surrounding the field were cheering them on. My buddy was freaking out because his friend had just scored two goals in the first half. I was drinking a beer and enjoying the game; my friend was playing the game even though he was on the sidelines watching with me. He was playing in his head, rooting on his buddy. Pass, Pass, Shoot. he yelled. As his eyes filled with excitement, I realized again what was going on. Did I miss it again, Was I too jaded to see what really matters. Again?

Nope. I looked at my buddy and said, “You like this huh? Why don’t you play.”

His reply was simple. I just like to watch Connor and Ryan. I’m a football, basketball, karate kid.

 

It was his friend Connor, and Ryan, that he was a fan of. It wasn’t the game as much as it was the kids playing the game. When we got back to Ryan and Connors house, we saw their mommy who is suffering from Cancer, her bald head a shock to me, I have always seen her with her beautiful chestnut brown hair. I can only imagine what he was feeling. When he saw the bald head he stood far away, his eyes wide open, speechless. His two friends stood by his side, explaining to him that their mommy is sick and she has a bad disease, and that the drugs make her hair fall out. I listened to these two babies explain Cancer to another baby.  My nephew listened, didn’t say a word and took it all in. Until we got in the car…

 

Are you OK, I asked. “Yeah” he said. Do you know what Cancer is? “Yep”, he replied.  Is she gonna be ok he said? “Yep”, I said.  And we started driving. We went to the lake and went fishing, tied some worms on our pole and spent the rest of the day at the lake with Ryan, Connor, and Tommy as their Mommy lay sleeping. Three hours later we still hadn’t caught a fish but you would never know it. The kids were rolling around on the grass playing and me and T talked the whole day.

 

Sunday was a different story. I woke up late, actually I watched a movie in bed, “Random Hearts”. It was a movie I passed up in the theaters but finally checked out on cable. The movie, about a man, Harrison Ford, and Woman, Kristen Scott Thomas who lose their spouses in a plane crash only to find out they were having an affair. The story seemed corny at first then I started getting into it. What if my girlfriend or wife was having a secret relationship. What if I get married one day and find out that my wife is cheating on me. Or even worse, has been cheating for years.

 

The problem is, I have cheated on my girlfriend before, and I have hurt people before. What hurts more, getting cheated on, or doing the cheating? I was in a relationship with a woman that I loved but couldn’t trust, I was in a relationship with a girl I trusted but wasn’t in Love. I was getting Married to a girl that I didn’t trust totally but loved incredibly. I always think to myself what if ?  What if I married my ex? Had children, a home with her, a life? What if.

 

I picked up my pal and went to see my brother in Santa Monica. When we got there he was tired from the night before and we were ready to go. All I wanted to do was hang with my little bro, take a walk down Montana and maybe grab a bite. My buddy wanted to play hoops and so did my bro. I left them and wandered the streets of Montana Ave, only to run into an ex-girlfriend who just got engaged to a guy she barely knows, a real bummer, and then drive home with my friend accusing me of being a cheater.

 

Now, when I confronted him on this he said, well, there’s Auntie Stacey Patti, Christie, Angie and Cindi. The last five years of my life, in one sentence. You see, the friend I was with all weekend was my nephew Jamie. A seven year old.

 

It was at that point that I realized my second realization in just a few weeks. What I am and what Jamie is, – A fan.

 

A fan of movies, a fan of music a fan of sport, but more importantly, a fan of people. It was the innocence of young William in “Almost Famous” that was exciting to my Jamie. The courage and friendship of Ryan and Connor his two pals make him a Fan of them. And the girls of my past – Jamie is a fan of theirs. They touched his life somehow and he was a fan. I thought about all this on my way to work this morning. My 45 minute drive put me in traffic only to find a beautiful girl beside me in a white truck. As she began to wave I realized it was Lori, Patti’s sister telling me that Patti is leaving her 3rd husband and I should give her a call. I’ve seen this movie before I kept telling myself, Do I call. Do I check in? Forgettaboutit. I am moving on. My brothers have been calling me the Archeologist for years. Digging up old bones. No more – Call me the Explorer. I will go where no man has gone before.

 

Jamie says my mom tells him he is a mixture of all of us Forster boys, a little Jonnie – his smarts, Brian – his build, Darren – his temper and Me. He never tells me what part of me he is, but I know he knows…